Fish Out of Water
by Hauptmann Holmes
Summary: Festus makes an unusual catch while fishing.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Gunsmoke._ But I do own Lee.

**Note:** I want challanged by a dear friend on Tumblr to write a story where Festus meets a mermaid. This is what came of that challange.

. . .

Festus settled into the soft grass, scratching a stubborn spot in the middle of his back on the willow tree's rough bark. He sighed in deep satisfaction and cast. The lure landed with a hollow plop midstream. He idly watched it drift with the current for a few moments.

A deep satisfied calm settled over him. His eyes drifted closed. The warm weather sank into his tired bones and lulled him to sleep. He was just entering a pleasant dream in which two buxom blondes were bringing him jug upon jug of good corn liquor, when something pulled at his line. It startled him from his hazy dreamland. He sat up, watching the surface of the water. His eyes followed the line out beyond the middle of the river to the opposite bank where it was tangled on a log. He gave it an experimental tug, but the line refused to budge. Festus frowned; it shouldn't be caught that firmly.

His questions were answered by two shapely arms flinging themselves over the log. They were followed by a somewhat waterlogged young woman. She tugged the line. "Excuse me," she called, pushing her wet hair from her face. "I'm stuck, would you mind giving me a hand?"

He closed his mouth, but found himself unable to either answer or spur himself into action.

The young woman frowned and gave his line a sharp tug. "What's the matter, can't you speak?"

"A'course I can speak! It's just," he pulled off his boots and socks and began to roll up his trousers. "I wasn't rightly expectin' t' catch a woman!" Festus waded into the river. "I was expectin' t' catch some fish!"

She shook her head and mumbled something that sounded like: "Well, you're half right!" before he got to her. He waded around the log to find her half immersed and half naked.

"You're not dressed."

"Do you expect me to dress for swimming," she rolled her eyes. "Just take me by the waist and pull me free. My fin— I mean, my legs are caught on the tree's roots."

She pushed herself up on the log. Festus frowned. Mother Haggen had taught her boys to always help a lady in distress, but she had never covered what southern etiquette said about half-naked females stuck under submerged logs. So he reached forward gingerly and placed his hands on her waist. He gave a gentle tug.

"I'm not made of glass, you know. You can pull harder."

He cleared his throat and gave a sharp yank. She came free with a pop and they both landed in the shallows near the bank.

"Phew," she laughed. "I thought I was going to be stuck there forever! Might I know the name of my rescuer?"

But Festus was far beyond speaking. As the woman sat in the shallows her knees were peaking out of the water. Or, at least, where her knees were supposed to be. Instead there was the thick middle portion of what he guessed to be her tail. He looked her up and down. She was fairly pretty through the face and she had long, dark hair that might have curled when dry but that was where the resemblance to a human ended. Her skin was mottled brown like a muddy riverbed and it faded to a rich cream color just above her breasts that continued down the length of her tail.

"You all right?" she looked as though she could hardly contain her laughter.

"Golly Bill! I— Yo— You're the biggest catfish I've ever caught!"

She burst out laughing. "You humans, you never cease to amuse!"

"Well, what'd y' expect me t' say? I just caught m'self a mermaid!"

"No, you rescued a mermaid. That's completely different and it entitles you to a reward."

"Reward?"

"Yes; but first, I want you to tell me your name. So I can know who I'm thanking."

He took a dripping hand and smoothed his hair back. "Festus Haggen, ma'am."

"Festus Haggen, my name is Lee," she leaned in and pressed her lips to his.

Festus jerked back with a little cry and gave himself a good dunking. By the time he got himself righted and the water cleared from his eyes she was gone. He splashed around until she reappeard a few hundred yards downstream.

"Thank you again, Festus Haggen, maybe we'll meet again," she waved once before disappearing beneath the surface of the water._  
_


End file.
